Torn

Please note that I have no intention of turning this blog into a sob story or continually using it to vent frustrations. Oh boo hoo me!

However, I am at the end of a frayed rope today. Last night was the FIFTH night in a row where Lilly has nursed every hour... at least. I didn't even fall asleep for the first time last night until 5 am.

We would nurse for about 20 min... she would suck on and off for another 10. Finally. FINALLY! she would allow me to remove her without crying around the 30 min mark! I would try to relax and go to sleep for the next 25 min... just start to nod off and she'd start crying again. HERE WE GO AGAIN. Repeat process all night. Guh.

Like I said, Frayed rope.

I will be amazed if this post makes any sense when it's done.

We have a dinner guest right now as well (I'm upstairs, you guessed it, nursing), so we spent most of the day trying to get our act together enough to seem sane. yikes. I bet she sees right through it... we probably should have rescheduled!

I think Lilly is having a growth spurt. She's really hungry! But she needs to SLEEP at night and EAT in the day! I can't think of any other way to teach her this than to send her to the crib. There's no way to let them cry it out every now and then. it's all or nothing. If we do this there's no turning back. Bed time will become our battlefield instead of our coziest time of day.

Here's the thing though. I love nursing. I love co-sleeping. I really don't want to stop either. I just can't make it through another night of this.

She's nursing right now while we sit in the chair and she looks so sweet. so cuddly. She has no idea what we're planning.

I just feel like crying. :(