Whoooo Hoooo

We will LIVE HERE soon! Ahhhhhh!!!! So Crazy! Our offer just got accepted yesterday and I have already photoshopped new paint onto the house. Poorly... So sue me :)

Seeds in the Field of my Mind

Becoming a mama has given me a new perspective on compassion. There is a saying in Buddhism that you should treat everyone like mother. The idea is that in the endless process of re-incarnation eventually everyone HAS BEEN your mother.

I'm her mother. I get it a little more now.

What is growing in my mind anyway? Is it this deep mama compassion?

I don't often take the time to "weed" it. It's a bit overgrown these days, but hopefully there are some seeds of compassion in the tangle somewhere. My mind just needs a bit of clearing to let the good stuff grow.

Here is what I should be growing... from HowToMeditate.org

1. Meditation

Contemplating the innumerable ways in which others help us, we should make a firm decision: `I must cherish all living beings because they are so kind to me.’ Based on this determination we develop a feeling of cherishing – a sense that all living beings are important and that their happiness matters. We try to mix our mind single-pointedly with this feeling and maintain it for as long as we can without forgetting it.

2. Dedication

We dedicate all the virtues we have created in this meditation practice to the welfare of all living beings by reciting the dedication prayers.

3. Subsequent Practice

When we arise from meditation we try to maintain this mind of love, so that whenever we meet or remember someone we naturally think: `This person is important, this person’s happiness matters.’ In this way we can make cherishing living beings our main practice

Candy Colored

I left the city. No Really! I did! I got in the car and drove away... Crazy, I KNOW! Ms. Milkjugs got out of town. I took Lil to Kalamazoo area to visit with Michelle and check out the Michigan Fiber Fair.

It's such a treat to spend time with Michelle!

Funny side note:
I get PAID to make maps. The folks who write my checks clearly haven't been let in on my dirty little secret... a severely underdeveloped sense of direction.

Here's my defense for my Kalamazoo area wanderings... Lil was fast asleep for the first part of the trek. I listened to NPR. Sooo relaxing, life was good. Then the screaming began right before I got off the highway. In trying to calm her down I didn't figure out I'd chosen the wrong exit and driven the wrong direction for about 30 minutes.

Hubby teases me for good reason.

In the end even Lilly would say the trek was worth the anguish. The fiber festival was wonderful. We wandered the miles of candy colored yarn. Lilly loved the color, he people, the ANIMALS!

How is it possible to have curlier hair than mine?
Somehow these goats found a way.

Lilly and I with an angora bunny!

I loved the same things as Lilly. Plus spending the afternoon with Michelle! She just happens to be one of the kindest, most thoughtful and talented people to grace this blue planet. I love her!

Here she is holding Lilly :)

Michelle and I made big plans for knitting this winter :) Especially since we are moving within TWO BLOCKS of the coolest knitting store in GR, City Knitting! I got some goodies to use at the Festival. Lilly was gifted a lovely felt ball just for being adorable. I bought some delicious green yarn to make a scarf. It's hand spun, hand dyed... GORGEOUS! We also picked up a neat felted lavender soap scrubber. These would be great Christmas gifts!

Bales of freshly sheared wool...
should have taken a shot of the poor naked sheep :)

Michelle and her husband Jake have the coolest house and property. There are fields, a stream and wetlands. They are working on clearing out all the invasive species. They also have a couple barns, a fenced veggie garden and a wild and crazy German Shorthair who sprints like it's his job! How did i miss a photo of him?

Here's their house. It fits them perfectly!
Lillies! I notice all lillies now that my daughter shares their name!
Isn't the barn stunning?!!
Lunch plucked from Michelle's garden! YUMMM
What a great getaway! When Lilly wakes up from her nap I'm going to call Michelle to chat :) Hopefully we'll make plans to get together soon!

Love ya Michelle!

Suffering

I have been CRANKY these last few days... surly and NO FUN to be around. Just ask hubby... I bet he'd have an eye roll for my outlook lately.

My mind is just out of control. I have been letting several useless desires get to me. Seeking alone time. Convincing the landlord to spare a lovely old tree. Failing. Watching the lovely tree needlessly die. Shopping for our own home (We decide the fate of it's trees). Dreading the start of school. Battling clutter and chaos in our house.

I've kinda felt like this...
whiny and irritable like my (maybe) teething daughter.

Last week we tried to get Lilly to sleep in her crib. I have been reading a book about healthy sleep for infants. Some ideas in the book were really appealing to me. The first idea was that Lilly could nap on her own. This was appealing because I could expect two whole hours during the day to myself! The second idea was that she needed an early bedtime. Also appealing because Hubby and I might get some much needed couple time.

Perfect! Ah-ha! She just needs to cry through a few bedtimes to learn to sooth herself and we all win. Lilly gets healthier sleep and we get some alone time! Yeah!

Easy ideas to get attached to. Sooo desirable.

Here was the reality after 3 days. Lilly screamed for 5 hours a day, was exhausted, cranky and clingy. I got much less done, no alone time... All the while feeling guilty and negligent. I was also pissed at Lilly for not following the rules. This anger keeps cropping up even though we gave up on the new sleep system.

It's been hard to get the idea out of my head that I deserve the alone time promised by the doctor who wrote the book.

Here is what we are back to now...

So snuggly and sweet... And I have time to blog while she snoozes. I just need to let go of the alone time idea and be happy with what I have. It's really pretty great.

We're trying to buy a house...

We like this one right now

This territory comes with a ton of hoop jumping, red tape to access my 401k, baby screaming car rides, waiting, hopes, desires and angst! Why is so much unhealthy desire attached to this activity? It's part of our culture to wrap up our identity in the homes we make for ourselves.

Will I really be happier if I owned these lovely stained glass windows, wood trim and hardwood floors?
I dunno, but they are awfully seductive...

Before we even walked in I was mentally arranging our furniture in these rooms. Grandma's table and chair set in the dining room. Our white bookshelves in the corner of the living room... The whole deal may just evaporate. We'll be stuck getting over the love of what could have been.

Tim starts school in the next weeks. I'm so attached to having him around to help out every day. It's hard to let go and just realize that I'm going to have to learn to be alone with Lilly most of the time again. It's just so daunting, but I can't stop it from coming, so I need to just stop worrying about it.

In all of these cases I have tried to control the uncontrollable or desired something impossible. It only makes me upset and unhappy and serves no useful purpose.

JUST LET IT GO HEATHER!

I'll let you all know how I fare.

Hopefully we'll be feeling more like this...

Ohhhh Shiny!

So many pretties in this big wide world. Such a tiny little discretionary budget... It's ok though! I will just oggle the pretties on the internets.

Take a sweet moment to appreciate the beauty... save the memory in my happy little blog... and cross my legs when I'm in public just so, that way nobody can see the tiny hole I ripped in my pants leg while riding my bike to work.

Here is the first pretty.
I've been thinking about it for months... ever since we started decorating the nursery.

They are vinyl wall decals by DaliDecals on Etsy. They make me sigh. So whimsical, so sweet...

Didn't do it

Not yet anyway... She's still snoozing with us. Maybe before school starts? Tim's worried about getting up before us. We create a safe valley for her in the middle of the bed, but if he's gone... not so safe maybe.

But how can we kick this face out of bed?